My wife, Lauren, went away for the weekend with her mother, ostensibly for some R & R at a spa in Pennsylvania. She might have just gone to her parents’ house and hid there for 48 hours. I wouldn’t blame her if she did.

This left me alone with the children from Friday evening through Sunday. Expectations were low as I am a sometimes-depressed/always-lazy parent who preaches discipline, which in reality translates to impatience, yelling and finally caving to all their desires.

Lauren (before leaving): I left you four notes.

Me: I’m fine. I don’t need notes.

Lauren: Four! Read them and text me any questions.

Me: You can’t wait?

Lauren: No.