Lauren [my wife]: I signed you up to be a chaperone for Liz’s class trip.

Me: You know I have a job as a lawyer. Right?

Lauren: I would take it a bit more seriously if you didn’t only claim you were a lawyer when you don’t want to do things.

Me: No, I don’t.

Lauren: And claim you’re a writer only when an attractive woman asks you what you do.

Me: That is not true.