Alfredo the Deer

Liv: Dad, come quick.

Me: What?

Max: Come, Dad, just come on, follow us.

It’s Memorial Day. I’m nervous. My kids are usually so immersed in their iPads on the weekends, that I’m not sure what could be so urgent outside of their iPads simultaneously imploding.

I put shorts on and follow them down the stairs. They open the front door and I follow them outside. We cross the driveway and pass our fence which separates our property from the next door neighbor’s. On the side of the fence, I spot something.

Liv: Dad, it’s a baby deer.

I walk over and bend down. There curled up in a fetal position is a baby deer with spots. He can’t be more than a few days old.

I stand up and look around. No other deer is in sight.

Max: Dad, can we keep him?

Me: Um, no, it’s a deer, Max. He lives outside.

Liv: Is he okay?

The widely known outdoorsman that I am, I wave my hands in front of his face to see if he reacts. He doesn’t. But he’s breathing and his eyes are open.

Me: [making shit up because it’s what I do] You can tell he’s very young by all the spots he has.

Liv: Daddy, Max named him.

Me: What’s his name?

Max: Alfredo.

Me: Alfredo, like the pasta?

Max: Yes, he looks like Alfredo.

Me: I have no idea what that means, buddy.

We sit down next to Alfredo and I Google “baby deer left alone”. I find an article which states that mother deers often leave their babies alone during the day to go find food and then come back for them.

Me: Well, we can’t do anything. We have to wait for his mom to come back.

Liv: Where is she?

Me: She’s out doing deer stuff and she will come back for him later. Come on, let’s go inside. We will check on him later.

Day turned to night and we periodically checked on him. He wasn’t moving. Mom was nowhere to be found. I was pretty sure I had seen a video about a family taking care of a baby deer until it was old enough to go off on its own. But this is New Jersey, not Arkansas.

The next day we were back to work and school. We checked on him in the morning. After school, I was still at work and the kids called me.

Max: Alfredo is still here.

I called animal control, and received a message that all inquires should first be made to our local police department. I called them up and they sent a car over. The police officer said we should leave the deer alone and wait for its mother.

Later, we checked on Alfredo again. His breathing was becoming labored and he didn’t look great. He hadn’t moved an inch in 2 days.

It was time to take some action. I picked up some goat milk from the supermarket (goats and deers look kind of similar). At home, I was trying to figure out how we could feed Alfredo. I looked through our drawers and found a turkey baster.

Lauren: Leave him alone, Brett.

Me: You know I can’t do that. I’m a hero to all deers.

Lauren: It’s “deer”, not “deers”.

Me: Actually, my DEAR! Either is acceptable.

Lauren: How do you know that?

Me: Because I’m a hero to all deers.

I’m not like the greatest person in the world. I have trouble getting up in the morning. I raise my voice too much. I occasionally litter. But when it comes to animals, I just have a soft spot. When Lauren and I were living in Brooklyn during her residency ten years ago, I was walking our dogs when I stumbled upon an injured pigeon. I found a box, poked some holes in it and drove him to the closest bird sanctuary in Manhattan where I handed him off to them.

That soft spot has been passed to Liv who is completely obsessed with our dogs, and now apparently  a deer. For this event, she brought her little brother into the fold, which makes me feel great. I love when they spend time together and get along, which isn’t often.

So off the three of us went to feed Alfredo. I put gloves on and sat down next to him. I put the turkey baster into the bottle of milk and then put it under Alfredo’s mouth. At first, he didn’t know what to do. But as I started to squeeze the baster, he opened his mouth and began drinking the milk. He was thirsty.

Liv: Dad, he likes it.

I let the kids take turns feeding Alfredo. Everything was going fine until Max decided to pet him. At first, he was so focused on the milk that he didn’t notice, but a few seconds later, he jumped up and tried to run away. Except he had been sitting for two days straight and was still a baby, so he really wasn’t able to walk. He kind of jumped around in a circle and kept falling down.

At this point, I started to worry that something was wrong with his legs. I briefly considered asking Lauren, who is a foot doctor, to examine his legs. I decided against it as she would likely use this as an example in a court hearing to declare me “not competent”.

Alfredo plopped down in a different location about 10 feet away from where he had been lying. I walked over and offered him more milk and he happily took it.

Max: Can we bring him inside the house now?

Me: No.

Max: But he’s going to be cold tonight.

Me: I love that you care so much, buddy, but he’s not a pet. We can’t take him inside. He lives outside and has to stay out here.

Liv: Can we bring him a blanket?

Me: He’s not cold.

Liv: Or a pillow.

Me: He drank some milk. He seems in better spirits. Why don’t we leave him and come check on him in the morning?

I finished feeding Alfredo and we went inside. My mother-in-law was over and told me I was wrong for feeding him, that his mother would now reject him.

Me: Lauren, did you tell your mom who I am?

Lauren: He’s a hero to all deer. Brett, call your shrink. Make sure they don’t need to adjust your meds.

The next morning, Alfredo was still there. But right across the street was a deer who had to be his mother. She was walking in circles and staring at me. I considered going across the street and giving her a stern talking to about her hands-off parenting, but then I remembered that she doesn’t speak English and I don’t speak deer.

So I went inside the house and waited. Thirty minutes later, Alfredo was still there and the other deer was nowhere to be found.

The kids went to school and I went to work.

After school, my phone rang.

Liv: Alfredo is gone!

Me: Wow! Great!

Liv: Max is crying.

Me: Let me talk to him.

Max: I miss him.

Me: I know buddy, but he’s with his mom now.

The next morning, I drove the kids to school. The car in front of me stopped short. I looked out my front window and right there crossing the street was a mother deer with her baby. The baby was walking funny.

Liv: Alfredo!

I’m like 60 percent sure it was actually Alfredo, but for purposes of this story, and for Liv and Max, it was definitely him. Alfredo stopped in the middle of crossing the street and turned towards us for a second and I made eye contact with him.

And just like that, he ran off following his mother into the woods.

Max: Bye Alfredo, I love you.