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The Snow Trip
When you live in a cold weather climate, you are miserable in the winter – at least I am. One way to overcome it is to convince yourself there are fun things in the winter. There aren’t. We’re just waiting for it to end. But we try.
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INTRODUCTION – What Could Go Wrong?
If you’ve read the book already, click here: Intro with new commentary:
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I FUCKING HATE Frozen. Maybe it’s because I’ve watched it 22,342 times.
The only thing I hate more than Frozen (other than those people who hold the door for you when you’re too far away, and then you have to half-run, even though you had no intention of running otherwise), is my sex life. Last Valentine’s Day, I bought my wife, Lauren, lingerie from Victoria’s Secret. I’m 39. She’s 34. If the night is right; if the mood is right; if I didn’t go to the gym earlier that day (I didn’t. My back hurt.); if Lauren doesn’t pass out in her clothes five minutes after the kids go to bed; if all these things break our way, we’re still young and vibrant enough to have some fun.
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Introduction – What Could Go Wrong (updated with commentary)
Honey, do you hear something? Note: All new commentary will be preceded by the word “NEW”
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I FUCKING HATE Frozen. Maybe it’s because I’ve watched it 22,342 times.
The only thing I hate more than Frozen (other than those people who hold the door for you when you’re too far away, and then you have to half-run, even though you had no intention of running otherwise), is my sex life. Last Valentine’s Day, I bought my wife, Lauren, lingerie from Victoria’s Secret. I’m 39. She’s 34. If the night is right; if the mood is right; if I didn’t go to the gym earlier that day (I didn’t. My back hurt.); if Lauren doesn’t pass out in her clothes five minutes after the kids go to bed; if all these things break our way, we’re still young and vibrant enough to have some fun.
NEW: Fitness update – I spent Thursday afternoon at my desk like this:
When your zipper and button snap at the same time, you need to be creative -
The Vacation
“Family vacation” is an oxymoron. Transporting a four and a six-year-old to a different country is like climbing a greased telephone pole. And even if you get a few moments of relaxation when you’re there, it is sure to be cancelled out by the process of getting them home.
Some days, though, are just weird enough to make it all worth it.
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The One Parent Weekend
My wife, Lauren, went away for the weekend with her mother, ostensibly for some R & R at a spa in Pennsylvania. She might have just gone to her parents’ house and hid there for 48 hours. I wouldn’t blame her if she did.
This left me alone with the children from Friday evening through Sunday. Expectations were low as I am a sometimes-depressed/always-lazy parent who preaches discipline, which in reality translates to impatience, yelling and finally caving to all their desires.
Lauren (before leaving): I left you four notes.
Me: I’m fine. I don’t need notes.
Lauren: Four! Read them and text me any questions.
Me: You can’t wait?
Lauren: No.
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The Concert
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The Dance Recital
Today marks the anniversary of arguably the most notorious event of my childhood: the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman.1<—– CLICK ON THESE RED BOXES FOR MY TERRIBLE JOKES
